When choosing the alpine ski that is right for you, it is important to keep one single determining factor in mind: is it pretty?
Contrary to the misguided belief held by so many JANS Mountain Recreation “Experts,” the proper choice of ski is a matter of simple, aesthetic preference.
Oh these ski-nerds will surely have the audacity to suggest you waste your valuable time with multiple demos of too many choices. They’ll love the sound of their own arrogant voices while they blather on about finding the waist-width and flex that are right for you. They’ll ask intrusive questions about the terrain you ski, and the aggression with which you ski it. They’ll talk about length, and turn-radius, and all sorts of meaningless attributes. And just when you think things can’t get any more ridiculous, these over-achieving ski-bums are guaranteed to start making a racket about their affinity for “rocker.”
This attention to everything boring about skis is a classic case of over-thinking, and a slippery slope that all too often ends with unsightly, sometimes downright heinous top sheets. We’ve all seen the poor fools who get suckered into buying these visually underwhelming skis. Out there arcing long, powerful turns, deftly maneuvering through moguls, effortlessly floating in fresh powder. It’s hard to watch.
One can’t help but feel true pity for them in the lift-line. Surely shamed and embarrassed by what’s on their feet, yet so eager to get back on the lift and repeat their humiliation.
So let out that yawn you’ve been stifling. Ask those meddling sales people to kindly take their bore-fest elsewhere. You knew the ski that was right for you long before these blowhards came lurking around with their “groomer” and “crud” questions. Save your time and energy and take a simple stroll along the ski wall.
So those clean, powerful lines of the Vist Crossover caught your eye did they? Buy it. Why yes, you’re right, that system binding on the Volkl Charisma does match really well. Buy it.
In closing, choosing the ski that is right for you does not require poor taste and a physics major. Find the prettiest belle of the wall, make your decision, and move on to what’s truly important: helmet covers.
Nate Tomlinson, Senior Content Writer
Nate Tomlinson is a degenerate lunatic. His views and opinions in no way represent the views and opinions of Jans Ltd.