It’s almost here. Fourth of July in Park City. Day of pride, patriotism, and pandemonium.
On this day we celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence — a day when our pens were the precursor to our swords. And because Jans is a company full of all sorts of awesome American Patriots, they’ve asked me to make use of a “pen,” and jot down a few tips for making the most of this glorious day:
1. Rise Up:
There are days for sleeping in. This is not one of them. With luck, you got yourself a good nights sleep. Probably not. Like any true Patriot you tossed and turned all night — too fired up about America to close your eyes. But that’s OK, you’re an American, and Americans don’t need sleep. In fact, I have reliable information that the Founding Fathers literally never slept. Not once.
And given that there are not nearly enough hours in the day to adequately celebrate the whooping we put on the Red Coats, you’re going to want to make the most of your 4th. Exercise your Right of Rebellion against the comforts of your bed. Like our Founding Fathers, you shall rise up.
2. Breakfast of Champions:
Pure excitement will be tricking your stomach into thinking you can make do without breakfast. Do not listen. Fire up the bacon, crack some eggs, and get started on the Bloodies. Much like the Revolutionaries themselves, you’re in for a long and arduous struggle. Without a hearty, nutritional, American breakfast you might find yourself fading early. Put in the context of the Revolution, this would be like the Continental Army losing steam halfway across the Delaware. In other words, without a good breakfast, the Hessians win. So eat up.
3. Put Down Your Gear:
There’s nothing more American than enjoying the great outdoors, but like we talked about, time is a factor today.
If you’re a fly fisherman, you’re going to need to set down your rod and hang up your waders. While I support your enthusiasm for a truly American pastime, the trout can wait. After all, if not for the Declaration of Independence, those poor fish would be swimming around in the tyranny of a British river. Today, let the fish share in your celebration of freedom.
If you ride a fun bike (trail, downhill, dirt jumper, BMX) you’ll want to leave it at home today. While you’ve made an excellent choice in the style of riding you do, believe it or not, excessive patriotic celebration can sometimes result in lost bikes. Today is a townie sort of day.
And if you’re a road biker, first and foremost, I’m sorry. That’s a bummer. But secondly, you too will need to forget about your bike. It doesn’t matter how well your kit matches, or how primed your shaved legs are feeling today, we’re going to need you to stay off the roads. So put away the chamois butter, lay off the electrolytes, and settle in for a day of patriotism.
4. Prepare Your Meals:
Not to give anything away, but there will be some grilling today, and preparation is key. You’ll want hamburgers, hot dogs, ribs, baked beans, potato salad, macaroni salad, three bean salad, corn on the cob, all types of slaw…
5. The Cooler:
For this you’re going to need to head into our Jans Park Avenue location. Why? Because Jans, you see, is the only place in town where you can pick up your Yeti Tundra Cooler. Oh you already have a cooler you say? If it’s that soft bag cooler you got at the supermarket, you’re being ridiculous. The supermarket is where you buy your American flag t-shirt. Not your beer chest.
Yeti coolers keep ice frozen longer than any other cooler out there, and are virtually indestructible. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Kind of like…America. Wait, the ice part of that doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, you get the point.
And as for what fills your Yeti cooler, today you should drink like the American Patriot that you are. I’m sorry, what was that? You don’t like Jim Beam? Cheap beer makes your tummy hurt? I have no proof of this, but you know who else had a weak stomach — Benedict Arnold. There are other days for Coronas and lime, or chilled white wine. But not today. Not on America’s birthday. Today is the day for Budweiser and Bourbon.
6. The Chair:
Jans is also where you will need to head to pick up your GCI Outdoor Wilderness Recliner. What’s the most American piece of furniture you can think of? Exactly, the La-Z-Boy. Now think of the Wilderness Recliner as a portable La-Z-Boy. Not only does this patriotic masterpiece come with an insulated drink holder, but it also uses multiple reclined positions to accommodate your varying stages of over-celebration. And if you get that uneasy American feeling that the British are coming, this chair folds flat and can be carried with backpack straps when it’s time to ride for Lexington.
On a completely related note, the Wilderness Recliner can support up to 300 lbs. ‘Merica!
7. The Parade:
Get your voice box ready, it’s time for chanting U-S-A! In direct defiance of the Despotism of Great Britain, and because it is their right — nay, their duty — to throw kick-ass parades, the various organizations of Park City take to the streets. With over 70 floats streaming down Main Street, the Park City Fourth of July Parade is an inspiring display of anti-Parliament fervor.
And remember, you’ll want to make certain that you get to the parade early, and with plenty of tar and feathers, so as not to miss out on the annual “Running of the Tory.”
8. The Almost-Football Game:
City Park is where you should head after the parade, and it is here that you can set up your Wilderness Recliner and Yeti Cooler to watch the rugby game. While less than ideal due to its distinctively foreign flair, believe it or not, rugby has deep-rooted traditions in the Fourth of July celebrations here in Park City.
The Park City rugby team — who I can only assume are called the Sons of Liberty — have most likely never lost a July 4th game. These testosterone-fueled Patriots will face off against a fierce team I think are called the Loyalists, led by none other than a man who is probably named, Charles Cornwallis.
9. Grill (see #5):
As declared by the thirteen united States of America so long ago, all men are endowed with certain unalienable Rights to grill. Exercise your Rights.
10. The Grand Finale:
What’s more American than fireworks? Someone once told me that the Chinese invented fireworks. I called them a liar. Then I poorly rated the Wikipedia page I found that tells the same blasphemous lies.
Though always fire-danger-dependent, the fireworks in Park City are the grand finale to this day of all days. You’ll want to find a strategic spot to take in the patriotic display of explosions, and Park City Mountain Resort is one of the best. With your Wilderness Recliner and Yeti Cooler still in tow, find a good spot to settle in for the metaphorical stamp on our Declaration-celebration. Wave your flags proudly, and be thankful that so many years ago, a bunch a radicals in wigs had the balls to break free of tyranny and fight for their independence. And as the day winds down, take a second to remember that thanks to these original Patriots, we now live freely and proudly under six white stripes, seven red stripes, and a hell of a lot of stars.
Nate Tomlinson, Senior Content Writer